Three ongoing sagas and a strained relationship with my sister dominate my life these days.
Taxes. I have to refile/file taxes for 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022. I thought I had the documents for all years, but when I dropped the folder off at the tax office, there were no 2019 documents. I have electronic or paper copies of everything but my mortgage interest statement for the house I live in.
The loan was sold by Chemical Bank to Huntington in 2020. To get the statement I had to send a written request through the USPS. Ironically, the department handling the request is Dept GW1N09 - a name for computer, not human consumption. I will have the statement within 30 days of the request receipt. I have no way of knowing if the letter arrived.
Eyeglasses. 3(?) weeks ago, while walking around the block, I tripped on some branches and did a face plant on the sidewalk, breaking my glasses. The right temple broke clean off. On inspection, it looked like I could use the Gorilla Glue I found a few days earlier (while cleaning out my office looking for 2019 tax documents) to repair the frames. I fell on a Tuesday afternoon. That night I showed off my broken frames on the family Zoom call and shared that I couldn't find the Gorilla Glue. (Losing things is the family's super power and an ongoing topic of amusing conversation). The next day, I couldn't find the temple that had broken off. I searched all week and found neither the glue nor the temple.
Friend Martha suggested going to Costco Optical. I can't remember the last time I had an eye exam, and thought I was due, so I scheduled an exam. The earliest I could get was last Saturday. I like Dr Winkle and going to York Vision was a nice experience. However, the frames are expensive and there weren't any I like better than the bold purple frames I got from EyeMart. The protective film on the lenses I got from EyeMart was worn off to the point I can't wear the glasses. I've been wearing my 'old' prescription' from LensCrafters, with a frame that is nice, but not nearly as fun as the bold purple frame.
After my eye appointment and a very nice lunch at Trio Bistro, I drove up to Costco (near Kings Auto Mall). Traffic was horrible, and being unfamiliar with the area increased my stress. There were many small detours to get into the Costco Parking lot. The gentleman at Costco said there was nothing he could do for me unless I was a Costco member. Sigh.
I was near an EyeMart, so I thought I'd stop in and see what they could do about the worn film on the frames I love. The eyeglasses were past warranty (I probably could have gotten them repaired for free had I taken them in when the worn film was first a problem). $390 to replace, 2 weeks and another long drive. The employee T-shirts that read, "This is not a lens cloth" made me giggle, but were not enough to make me want to make a return trip for glasses where the film may again wear off.
Monday morning I went to LensCrafters and ordered a new pair of glasses in a dark purple frame that is nice, but not nearly as fun as the bold purple frames from EyeMart. It will take 10 - 14 days for them to be delivered to the LensCrafters 5 minutes from my house.
I am wearing my broken frames for driving and around the house. With a missing temple, it's hard to keep them situated correctly. I get headaches and cranky pants. 12 more days - but who's counting?
Hole in House Siding. Back in January, I noticed a hole in the siding on the back corner of my house. I'd been hearing critters that sounded like they were in my attic. I contacted a contractor who has done other small projects for me. He gave me a quote of $750. I knew I had to have it fixed and I wanted siding close to the color that was on the house (original to 1940's construction - it's been on the house for a long while). I paid the deposit and didn't hear back. Every few weeks I'd check in. Problems getting the right pieces for the repair and weather caused delays. Yesterday contractor Joe texted that he was in the area and could do the repairs. While I was on business Zoom calls, Joe and his helper were causing a rukus as they worked. They finished up just as it was getting dark. They had pulled a bird's nest out of the hole.
This morning I woke up to scratching sounds. My bedroom is in the corner with with broken siding. I put on my slippers, walked outside, and caught a squirrel busy gnawing at the corner piece that Joe had installed. There is now another hole in my newly repaired siding.
Joe sent an article on squirrel repellent. I will put cat litter in the attic and try to spray some garlic, onion, pepper, and other odors identified in the article and hope there are no baby squirrels in my attic. Joe will fix the hole after we get repellent applied.
My Sister. My relationship with my sister has always been strained. She is 7 years older than me and has always been very distant. For a long time I attributed the distance between us to our difference in age. I figured she checked out of life with an alcoholic mother and passive father in some important and unconscious ways before I was born. After staying with her (and my brother-in-law) to heal from knee replacement surgery and a lunch where "progressives" were reviled, I am at a breaking point.
I have tried over the years to build a relationship. I've tried many approaches. I've travelled to spend time with them. We've worked together on knitting projects, I've shared poems that I've authored. I've even travelled to Pigeon Forge with her friends. She has made no effort. I've not had much energy this winter and have not made plans to meet. We have not met. The only texts she sent me were pictures of yarn purchases - never once asking after my well being.
Last fall, after my knee-replacement surgery, I stayed with Janet and Alan. I would not have been able to stay in my house by myself. I knew there would be challenges, I also knew I would be very motivated to be healed enough to move back to my own house. The 2nd night of my stay Alan was up all night preparing to leave for a Walk to Emmaus (weekend spiritual retreat) that he was helping to lead. He was restringing and tuning guitars, practicing songs, talking to Janet who was in the kitchen - a few rooms away -- making gallons of Chex Mix for the weekend. It was a noisy environment. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was hurt, but not surprised. Neither my visit nor the retreat were a surprise, they had both been scheduled well ahead of time. Yet, here I was in dire need of sleep and that basic need could not be met.
Near the end of the week, after Alan returned from his weekend away, Janet and I were talking about our grandparents. Alan made a sarcastic comment: " Maybe that's why your mom was the worst-ever Mother-in-law". He said it with so much bitterness and so little understanding. I'm not sure what expression my face wore, but I do remember glaring at him. It was the most I could muster. I know my mother was difficult, but Alan bears at least half of the responsibility for their strained relationship. It takes 2 to tango, after all.
While visiting Aunt Irene over Thanksgiving, I picked up a book that Irene wanted Janet to have. Janet knew about the book and said she was anxious to get it. Yet no word from her to arrange a meeting. Two weeks ago, I initiated lunch plans and we met for lunch. Alan (bil) was invited to join us. We had a lovely lunch until Janet mentioned their church's upcoming vote to leave the United Methodist Church. She compared it to a situation I found myself in (something about being in a sort of limbo - I can't remember what it was) which was nothing like a congregation voting to leave their denomination (IMHO). I asked if it was over gay ordination and marriage. Alan responded, "The PROGRESSIVES want you to think it's about gay ordination and marriage, but it's really about staying true to the Bible and UMC charter. It's about biblical and spiritual integrity." Further conversation revealed to me that since UMC's founding in the 1940's there has been a group pushing for acceptance of gay marriage and gay ordination. And the only way Alan mentioned that 'progressives' were not being true to the bible was around the question of gay ordination and marriage - and I calmly asked many probing questions. The conversation left me feeling hollow. So much self-righteousness was foisted on me. I don't identify as gay, but I was hurt by the expression of their position.
With these slights, it is clear to me that Janet will never put any effort into our relationship. It is an empty shell. It hurts. I am devastated by the fact there was never any interest or effort in building a relationship with me. I am in mourning for a relationship that never existed.
So, as I wait for old tax documents and eyeglasses to be delivered and gather up courage to take cat litter up to the attic (and search for baby squirrels), I also work through my grief. I am writing. I am working on a tangible way to represent the empty relationship with my sister. I may be taking up another hobby - because apparently knitting, weaving, cross-stitch, and crochet are not sufficient. I want to make a clear resin mold of a scallop shell. Not sure what I'll do with it, or if I can use it in a healing ritual, but that is what I'm working with now.
I am blessed to enjoy the company of family members (not Janet and Alan), co-workers, community members (many different communities), and other friends who make me laugh and remind me of the ways I contribute to their happiness and to God's creation. I can laugh about the ways I have messed up and the ways life is challenging me. I have wonderful folks to cry, laugh, create, and drink with. Who could ask for anything more?
Comments
Post a Comment